Intention on the Health Journey
My health journey hasn't always been a positive and healing journey. It used to be driven by self hate, deprivation, and lack of compassion for myself. I knew I was doing healthy things, like exercising, and eating a lot of the right foods, but it wasn't until I tuned into a more conscious way of living that it occurred to me that my health patterns were driven for all the wrong reasons. I was exercising to burn off as many calories as possible. I was not eating enough so that I could make sure I had that 500 calorie deficient in order to lose the amount of weight I wanted to. I had it down to a science. It was like a mathematical equation. I thought I had it figured out, but my Intentions were from a place of self hate rather than self love. My whole life shifted when I had this realization.
After it dawned on me that I was literally living my life (because "health" took up so much of my energetic and headspace) from a place of self hate, I knew I couldn't go on like this. I knew that I had to make a shift. I went through the biggest dark night of the soul I have ever went through, aka the biggest breakdown of my life. Everything I thought I was, was no more. It was as if I had to get to know myself again. That is where the beauty began. There is a quote by Rumi : "The wound is the place where the Light enters you." This was true for me. Through becoming aware of my self hatred, I learned to accept it, and release it. So I made a vow to myself, to live with my intentions rooted in self love rather than self hate(this is a lifelong practice). By committing to that vow, my life has expanded and grown in the most beautiful ways.
This is why Intention is the topic I chose for this week. There isn't a day that goes by that Intentions of some sort cross my mind. By shifting where we root our intentions, our whole life begins to change. It may cause pain if we see that our intentions are from a place of self hate. Those are the parts of ourself that will bring in deep healing when we peer at them, observe them, and release them. Choosing to love ourselves, for exactly who we are creates major energetic shifts in our life. Exercising, healthy eating, and spiritual practices are seen as obvious self care practices when intentions are rooted in deep self love. What it comes down to is that we don't have to change what we do, we need to recognize why we do it. And if it is aligned with self love thats awesome, and if it is rooted in negativity towards oneself, than we can shift it.
So I invite you to ask yourself where your intentions are rooted? Why are you living and striving to be and do what you do? Are you doing it for yourself? Are you doing it for someone else? Are you trying to live up to societies expectations?
I just want you to know that you can create your own expectations for and of yourself, from a loving space. I give you permission to listen to what is right for you, and your constitution. I ask you to be honest with yourself and observe what may need some work within yourself. And know you are not the only one.